Last night, I enjoyed my birthday present from Andrew - tickets to see Nine Inch Nails in concert at the Motorpoint Arena in Cardiff.  They are not Andrew's cup of tea, but he kindly agreed to come along.  We had excellent seats in an area of the venue I'd not previously been in - the upper balcony directly in line with the stage, so could see beautifully.  

We arrived just as the support band were finishing, and felt that lovely frisson of excitement when you are eagerly anticipating an event.  Happily, we were not disappointed, and I had one of the best evenings at a gig I can remember for ages.  

The thing that has to be mentioned is that the lighting was one of the best and most inventive I've ever seen, especially considering the set was rigged in a single day.  Every song brought the most dazzling and awesome effects, with amazing use of colour, and a really funky screen that fascinated Andrew, that was both opaque and transparent by turns, which had projected images on it.  Andrew said at the end of the gig, that for the lighting alone the evening had been worth going to.   

Musically, it was also amazing.  Kicking off with a song from "Hesitation Marks" they played a treasure chest of songs from their back catalogue along with stuff from the latest album.  I loved their live version of "Came back Haunted" - looser and more playful than the CD version.  It's hard to pick highlights from such a great night, but I particularly enjoyed listening to two of my favourite tracks back to back, "Sanctified" and "Closer" - both magnificent descriptions of sexual obsession, and both among my all time favourite songs. 

A pretty near perfect evening finished with their encore and they played "Hurt" - I really could not have asked for more.  I originally encountered the song as sung by Johnny Cash, and I still think his version, along with the amazing video, stands as the most eloquent and beautiful reflection on mortality.  However, the song can also be seen as a commentary on other sorts of pain and despair, whether the loneliness of bereavement or the isolation of depression, or even the pains of addiction.  Hearing Trent Reznor sing it will be one of my special memories.  

The only negatives I can possibly mention are not related to the band - it's more that we both loathe the Arena as a venue.  It has terrible accoustics and I am never happy with the sound quality when we hear groups there.  

One other observation - as we were leaving, I was astonished to see that some idiot had taken a child with them (aged about 8/9).  I've grudgingly learned to accept children at festivals and some concerts.  At Crowded House, for instance, it makes sense. The band look like geography teachers, and the songs are happy, family friendly singalongs.  NIN, with songs about angst, addiction, lots of sex, gloriously loud (as in belly-jiggling, ear-ringing loud) and a crowd gleefully singing along to lyrics like "You let me penetrate you, you let me violate you, I want to fuck you like an animal" ensure it is simply NOT a place that is appropriate for children.   Judgy pants hoiked, we then made our way home.  Fortunately, there's a large car park very near the venue and we were on our way home in minutes, and were greeted ecstatically by four very happy woofs on our return.  

Poor Andrew had to get up very early this morning to travel to St. Albans but I've enjoyed the day, with a head full of wonderful images and sounds from last night.  One of the other reasons I like the band is that Trent Reznor also has rescue greyhounds and I understand he works to support adoption programmes in the USA where he is based.  On our walk this morning, I discussed this with Callie and Sara and they were firmly of the view that he needs to write a really good song about squirrel obsessions but were very pleased that the family income was being spent on a fellow greyhound lover.   

It's been really busy lately.  I've been making regular trips down to Singleton to see my friend.  One of the most encouraging things is seeing his excellent progress, so much so that he'll soon be leaving hospital.  Of course, there will be a long haul of recovery after that, including further physio but he is definitely on his way.  This has eaten into my time though, as of course each visit is bookended by at least an hour and a quarter of driving, and then getting through the large hospital to his ward.  One of the things he asked me to do was to support him by attending a meeting, where his future treatment and discharge could be planned by a multi-disciplinary team including his social worker and medical team.  It's always useful to have a spare pair of ears at these sort of things to remember who said what.  It's also been really lovely to connect again with his sister and mum.  

Andrew has also been working away a lot and this has a big impact on my time during the week.  When he's away, it means doing two lots of dog walks (four is too many to walk singlehanded), and this really cuts into the day.  One of the things we've decided is in the future, not to go above three hounds as that's the magic number for walking by yourself.  Usually I take the boys to Tredegar House and the girls to Hendre Lake.  At the lake there is always so much to see - I love watching the heron, and now there are freshly hatched goslings and ducklings to admire.  Most of the dog walkers over there are very friendly and the fishing guys are too.  I haven't seen the red eared terrapin over the winter but am keeping my eyes peeled for it to resurface now the weather is warming up.  

Last weekend we had our first show of the season.  We were at the West Somerset Whippet Racing Club for their annual dog show at Taunton Vale Polo Club.  Lovely venue, and we had a really fabulous day.  Beautiful spring sunshine and a gentle breeze to stop it getting too hot really helped. It was so warm I was wearing a sleeveless top all day.  Andy and Mick stayed wiht Rita and Roger for the day, and we took the girls.  I entered them into a couple of classes though sadly they didn't win anything.  The show had a really relaxed, friendly vibe and we were lucky enough to also meet up with some friends.  Sue brought her lovely greyhound Mick and also a big tray of marzipan Chelsea Buns, so us, Sue, Jackie and Paul, and Jenny all got together for a slice and a natter.  Brilliant.  Once the show was over, they laid on some lure coursing/racing.  We were busy packing up the stall so didn't take part, but the girls were really excited, and we've decided to take them back for another go, when we are not encumbered by the stall.  

Subsequently, our lovely day was given extra poignancy.  One of Jenny's two beautiful dogs, called Shadie, aged 15 came along, and to our delight won in the Best Veteran class.  Sadly, Shadie had to be put to sleep at home on Friday, after a very short illness, but it's lovely to think of him enjoying his day and that he was so well virtually until the end.  These pics were taken by Jackie.  Her greyhound, Cat, is in the first one, along with Sue's Mick and our two girls.  The second one shows the stall - Andrew is the headless man and I'm obviously talking to Sara.  Sue is next to me with her head turned. 

 

My birthday week was busy, and big thanks are due to everyone who sent cards, greetings, Facebook messages etc.  Seems amazing to think I'm less than a year away from being 50.  

On the weekend, Rita and Roger came over to stay.  On Saturday, we went to Roath Producer's Market, a local market for food producers.  We've been before, and though it's small, there are some great stalls.  Bought some great stuff, and it's really nice to meet and talk to producers and particuarly to support those who farm to higher animal welfare standards. 

In the evening, we went to a new gastropub that has recently opened in Cyncoed, called the Discovery.  It's run by the same team that had Wood's Brasserie, which I always loved, so we went with high hopes.  We were not disappointed.  The refurbishment had turned out a really smart, comfortable place, with a fabulous menu and very good service.  We had a stunning meal which we really enjoyed, but and yes, there is a but.  Like many other restaurants, the current fashion is for bare boards, and bare, painted walls.  This looks great, but is a recipe for appalling noise levels. Not surprisingly for a Saturday night, the pub was full, and by the end of the meal, we simply couldn't hear ourselves talk - it was just too noisy.  Is it just me who finds this really difficult and spoils the atmosphere of what should be a relaxing, convivial night out?  Anyway we came home, and stayed up chatting till the small hours.  

I'd definitely go back to the Discovery, and it might be nice to try it at lunchtime when it could be a bit quieter.  

At the end of the week, just before Rita and Roger arrived, out of the blue I had a text from an old friend.  It simply asked me to come visit him at Singleton, one of the two main hospitals in Swansea.  With the weekend preparations in full swing, I couldn't get away immediately but by phone and text, got a bit more info.  He'd had two major strokes, so was immobilised and in need of some company.  So, on Monday, I headed off to Singleton and to visit.  Got stuck in road works on the Mumbles Road outside County Hall, but got there eventually.  Fortunately his room had a magnificent view out over the bay and I was so pleased to see him.  We had a lovely chat, and were then joined by his sister, who I hadn't seen for some years, so it was lovely to see her and catch up.  From my own experience in hospital, I know how important visitors can be, and the impact a smiling face can make.  

Seeing an old friend brought back many happy memories of earlier times, and it was  a bit of a shock to realise that we'd gone out together over twenty five years ago! The odd thing of course is that to me, neither he nor his sister had changed very much - OK, there were a few more grey hairs, and one or two more laughter lines but essentially very much as before.  It hadn't actually been twenty five years since I'd seen him, since we've stayed friends and kept in touch and have met regularly but infrequently through the years.  This, and my birthday, and more recent events, have led recently to me reflecting a great deal on how people enter our lives and continue to have an impact and effect for many years more than you might originally expect. 

I thought it seemed more appropriate for the update about the funeral to have its own post.  

Since the funeral, the great and awful truism "Life goes on" has been playing through my mind.  And of course, it is so true.  Despite grief, dogs need to be walked, bills need to be paid, customers supplied, the house cleaned.  And in some ways, these things, by their very everyday quality, have soothed and reassured and helped provide structure.  I've had one or two days where I've struggled to get through more than the minimum but gradually feel that normal tempo is being slowly restored.   

Things took a big step forward on the weekend.  We headed over to Fonmon Castle in the Vale for the Countryside and Game Fair.  Our particular reason for going was to watch one of the arena attractions, the horseboarding.  Apart from this, there was a vast array of attractions, ranging from chainsaw carving to Hamster Displays.  The weather wasn't brilliant, a bit damp and chilly but it didn't put us off.  

The horseboarding was great.  I sat ringside with Callie and Sara while Andrew took some photos.  Callie and Sara were absolutely fascinated and very excited by it, squeaking with excitement when the horses thundered past.  I loved watching it, it was amazing - completely bonkers but I was full of admiration for the skill and courage shown by both the boarder and the rider and the working together.  

We had a look round at some of the other attractions then as there was a fun dog show, fundraising for Four Paws Rescue, we entered a couple of classes.  The girls came home with their first rosettes of the season! Callie won the Senior Rescue class, Sara was 2nd, and in the best Veteran, Callie came 3rd and Sara got a special.  Callie was eligible to go back for BIS, but we were cold and damp and needed to get back to the boys so headed for home after a very enjoyable day.  I attach some of the pics that Andrew took, of the thrills and spills. 

We travelled up to Altrincham for Jonathan's funeral.  One minor gripe - the crematorium was down a windy rural lane and very poorly signposted, and when we got there, had a tiny car park that was wholly inadequate.  Wish Trafford Council would improve the facilities. 

The funeral was very well attended - standing room only and a real crowd that struggled to all fit into the chapel.  The funeral was conducted by a humanist celebrant with eulogies from various friends and colleagues of Jonathan's.  It was beautiful - very funny at times, very moving and very appropriate for him.  

Then it was the long journey back down the M6/M5, battling through the traffic.  

Jonathan's ashes have now made the journey back to Wales and uncle Bill, his father has scattered them along with Sally's and aunty Janet's in a field the family still own, overlooking their childhood home in Three Crosses.  A tree will also be planted in Jonathan's memory.   

Fig, Jonathan's great friend, has kindly arranged a link to the funeral eulogies - you can find it here. 

 We are going over to see Uncle Bill over the Easter holidays. 

It's been an utterly horrible week.  I don't think I can put it any other way.  Most of it seems to have passed in a sea of foggy grief.  

A couple of things have exacerbated it.  Firstly, this seems to be the latest in a long string of deaths - starting in 2012 with Paula, then being followed by Dad, uncle Peter, Margaret, aunty Janet, aunty Floss and now Jonathan.  Jonathan's funeral on Friday will be the fourth one I've attended in six months.  The last two years have taken a very heavy emotional toll, and one of the odd things about grief is that each successive bereavement seems to make the pain of the previous ones worse rather than easier to bear.  

In the meantime, of course, normal life has to simply continue, and for the business that has meant maintaining our presence on Facebook.  That's been awful this week since this stupid craze has been doing the rounds of people doing no make up selfies for "cancer awareness".  Quite frankly, I just about feel ready to punch anyone who suggests I need my awareness raising, and that's before I get on the issue of not wearing make up. 

There is nothing brave about not wearing make up.  OK, I'll happily accept that  there are a tiny number of women who wear make up to conceal scarring, birth marks etc - for them, yes, different issues. But for most women, I can't see anything brave at all, and in comparing this even tangentially to the bravery of cancer patients seems wrong and narcissistic.  

I spend most of the time completely make up free and will wear it occasionally for nights out or special occasions but don't feel I need it.  I am not conventionally pretty, I am pushing 50, my skin is average, I have wrinkles and spots and scars and dark circles under my eyes - that's who I am.  Make up is like wearing a special evening dress - it's a nice treat but I'm under no illusion about it's magic powers of transformation.     It strkes me as a sad indictment of how far women have to go if we applaud their courage in not wearing make up - because that would be suggesting that our appearance is still our most important feature, not our character or our achievements, but our adherence to some artificial standard of beauty.  

Thinking about it, most of my female friends also don't wear make up or like me wear it infrequently - clearly we are all bottom of the class for being good, decorative little women.  

What has helped this week?  A couple of things.  Listening to Wagner. The dogs.  Going on a course yesterday at Busy Bees that I'd booked last year and really enjoyed.  Thinking about it, most of the women on the course weren't wearing make up, and quite a few of us were wearing sensible shoes. 

This week has been one of those times for feeling completely out of step with a wider culture - I'm sensible enough to know this feeling will pass and a lot of it is fuelled by grief which is making me particularly raw at the moment.   Fundamentally I'm happy and comfortable in my own skin - both literally and metaphorically.  

 

I found this article about Jonathan when searching for funeral details.  It's a lovely picture of him and the article says a bit more about his work with Macmillan - something I hope will be a lasting legacy of his.  

This is one of the bitterest posts to write.  Dear Jonathan is dead.  He died yesterday at his home in Manchester. I always thought and referred to him as "cousin Jonathan" although technically he was my dad's cousin, but because he was so much closer to me in age that just seemed to work better.  Regular readers will know that I've had a link to his blog on my sidebar practically since I started my own blog.  

How do I begin?  Well, by telling you if you haven't already to read his blog.  The odd thing is that I would look forward to reading his blog usually because of his wonderful humour even though it was mainly about having cancer, surviving cancer and then having an unrelated terminal cancer - not usually cheery subjects.  Because we had both had cancer, this formed an odd bond and shared experience.  One of Jonathan's many admirable qualities was that he put things back.  Right up to his death he was working with Macmillan to improve the design of cancer treatments for patients.  His blog was a magnificent description of cancer - I hope so much it will have helped educate and inform people, not just about the illness but about being terminally ill.  

He was honest (often painfully so) but like all of us, he was so much more than just being about the illness that killed him.  He was intelligent (fiercely so), curious, well-informed, had a killer dress sense, a fantastic sense of the ridicolous, and the very rare ability to have a well argued debate and hold differing opinions without that getting personal, something I greatly admired.  He also had a deep well of compassion and a strong sense of voluntary service - he helped on the Lesbian and Gay Helpline in Manchester for many years, and I've already mentioned his work with Macmillan.   

He was a loving family member.  His immediate family has been hit by repeated tragedy.  Sally, Jonathan's sister died at a young age and aunty Janet, Jonathan's mum also had cancer and died late last year.  All of us are thinking of uncle Bill at this time.  

We saw Jonathan at Christmas and typically we ended up having a really interesting debate about drugs in cycling as well as hearing all about his plans for a midsummer party which I'd put in my diary.  I won't put a line through it - I will make sure we have a celebration that night and raise our glasses to a very special and wonderful person, who was deeply loved and will be missed more than I can say.  

As planned, we went down to Weston Super Mare on Friday afternoon to collect the new car.  It's lovely.  It had been valeted within an inch of its life so was gleaming and spotless.  Andrew drove it home while I drove home in our old car.   We got stuck in the usual Friday afternoon bottleneck between the Bridge and the Brynglas tunnels.  The Welsh Government has dicked around for ten years (or more, possibly) trying to get this notorious bottleneck sorted.  It's the main transport artery into the big population centres of South Wales and it took us over an hour to get through around 20 miles of motorway.  While Welsh politicians keep bleating about having more powers, I'd rather they did a good job with the ones they have and sort this out.  With this and the bridge toll, it's the sort of thing that is a disincentive to a business deciding where to set up.  I think it's no coincidence that the Bristol side of the bridge is heavily populated with things like distribution centres etc.  No sane business is going to locate where transport links are expensive and difficult.  To be honest, if we had perfect freedom of movement, I'd locate on that side of the bridge now, as we do so much travelling with Milgi, both to shows, to see our machinists and to go to fabric wholesalers etc.  None of this will help the Welsh economy, which is already flatlining and pretty much entirely dependent on public sector jobs.  

Anyway, we got home, and Andrew spent most of Friday night reading the manual, and then sitting in the car getting the phones tethered into the Bluetooth system.  There's a whole spaceship's worth of buttons and controls and digital displays.

On Saturday morning, we headed over to see our friend Rachel.  Rachel volunteers for EGLR, and is one of the main organisers of their show in May, and I'd been busy making stuff for the event.  I'd done a box of 46 tuggy toys.  These are made from spare bits of fleece, plaited into short strips, and knotted at both ends.  There were also some applique tote bags, a big batch of tissue holders and some nail file holders each with their own emery board.  Hopefully these can be sold on the stall and raise some much needed funds for the rescue.  I was very glad to take these yesterday, as it was a big item ticked off my To Do list and we probably wouldn't have had room for all of it on the day of the show as well as all our own stuff.  

Nail file holders

Callie with the tissue holders

One of the applique bags 

Birds were cut using a Sizzix die

We set off in the car, with the girls in the boot.  Andrew spent most of the journey asking me if I wanted the temperature altered by 0.5C but I was very impressed by the smooth, quiet ride.  It seems difficult to believe it's a diesel, as it's so quiet.  Safely arrived at Rachel's, unloaded our goodies, and the girls were delighted to meet up with their old friends Carrie and Erin, and foster dog Max.  After a nice catch up, we all piled into Rachel's car, a squash with five dogs and three people! Headed into Chipping Sodbury to our regular haunt, the Royal Oak.  This is a lovely pub on the main street of the town, and the dogs are always welcome there.  We had a relaxed lunch, with Andrew feeding Max chips under the table and it was great to have a natter and hear all about Rachel's recent holiday.  

Then back to Rachel's house for cake and coffee while the dogs played and did zoomies in the garden.  Reluctantly, we left mid afternoon, and had another smooth, comfortable ride home.  Had a quiet rest of the day, just catching up with some reading, the papers,and a bit of TV.  

Today, we're off to Halfords to get a boot liner and some mats for the new car, and I've got a dental appointment.  

I don't often talk about cars on my blog.  But they are one of those things that make life much easier and in my case, I really enjoy driving.  Our current car is a Mondeo estate and we are both very fond of it.  It's a real workhorse, diesel engine with a vast, capacious boot and a straightforward, reliable drive, which is surprisingly quick on motorways and long journeys.  It can cope with us going to a show or event laden with four greyhounds and all our show stuff - no mean feat.  If we didn't have the dogs, I'd have something smaller and sportier, but we do, and when ferrying them around, I've developed a stately driving style that allows them to enjoy the view and not be flung around on corners.  

We'd realised that our current car only got through its last MOT with a wing and a prayer, and the garage had warned us of a few looming problems.  It's started making some ominous clanking noises and the next MOT is due in about six weeks, so we decided to start the search for the next Milgi mobile.  

This is where the internet comes in.  There are now masses of search facilities that let you look for cars by price, model and location.  We decided that we would go for another Mondeo estate and began browsing.  On Saturday we made a foray over to some of the big car showrooms in Newport to have a little browse and checked out our local Ford dealer too where our current car came from. Nothing suitable there, but it was useful to have a look at the newer models, and get a feel for the updated cars.  

Yesterday, Andrew found several on the net that were with a chain of garages around Weston-Super-Mare, an easy journey away.  It was a glorious afternoon, with blazing sunshine, and we headed over.  I like travelling in the car with Andrew - it's a great place for talking, and we can often catch up and have relaxed discussions about things.     

The first garage we went to was a bit disappointing then we headed into WSM itself.  Lots of people out enjoying the sunshine.  Found the garage, found a very helpful guy who pointed out the cars to us in a sea of them, and we found exactly what we wanted, a lovely 2010 Mondeo estate. It's silver, like our current one, is a 2.0 diesel and looks great.  

One of the things that really makes me feel quite old sometimes is to reflect on the wonderful improvements in cars since I learned to drive.  When I first got behind the wheel, power steering and A/C were unheard of luxuries and cars were far less reliable. I think that power steering in particular has really transformed driving, especially for women.  I can remember how physically hard it was to haul a big, heavy car round when parking - no fun.  A big estate like the Mondeo is now beautifully simple and easy to park.  Modern cars are much more reliable, safer, have power steering and aircon as standard and of course have a great deal more electronic wizardry built in.  The new car will have Bluetooth connectivity which will be great and very useful. 

Anyway, we are popping back at the end of the week to collect the new car, and I'm really looking forward to driving it. 

Last Thursday, we headed up to London for a weekend break.  We had some free hotel nights from Premier Travel Inn - as they run a loyalty scheme and Andrew stays with them a lot when he is away for work.  Rather than stay in our usual spot by Vinopolis, we decided to move to one slightly further along Southwark Street, a newer hotel and one that Andrew had recommended.  

Originally, we'd booked train tickets (and of course we both have an Oyster card for getting around) but the severe weather has massively disrupted train services.  Eventually we decided to drive up to St. Albans and catch our old friend the Thameslink in to central London.  We drove up on Thursday after dropping off the dogs at the kennels - journey was straightforward.  However, I felt very strange returning to St. Albans train station.  When I had cancer, I used to catch the train from Borehamwood (we lived minutes from the station) to St. Albans to attend the hospice there - Grove House.  An incredibly kind volunteer from the hospice used to meet me there and give me a lift to Grove House, and then take me back again at the end of the day to the station.  This was the first time I'd been back to the station since then, it hadn't changed a bit, and a lot of memories came flooding back.  

We hopped on the train, and were soon in central London, and arrived at our hotel.  We had a room on the 7th floor, with views of the London Eye, very clean, new and comfortable.  Time for a shower and a bite to eat then out to see "The Duck House" at the Vaudeville Theatre on the Strand.  OK - time for a rant.  £10 for two gin and tonics and £3.50 for an interval icecream - a rip off, and I'm not impressed.  However, the play was absolutely excellent.  Ben Miller and all the cast were very strong - good ensemble playing which you need with farce.  Very well written and we both sat there laughing right the way through.  A real treat to see something so good.  Afterwards it was lovely to stroll along and then get a night bus back to the hotel for a quiet drink before bed. 

Friday we had breakfast at Pret then headed over to the National Gallery, as I wanted to see the exhibition about the Northern Renaissance (a good follow up to the similarly themed one at the Queen's Picture Gallery recently).  However, although there were some excellent pictures in it, the exhibition was very disappointing, and also very small.  Afterwards, we sat in the sunshine in Trafalgar Square for a while, then headed off.  We went to see the Florence Nightingale  Museum as I've always admired her, not least for her love of statistics (she invented the pie chart).    

After we returned from the museum, we headed back to the hotel for some chillout time, then in the evening we met up with uncle Warwick for dinner.  One of Andrew's colleagues had strongly recommended the Boot and Flogger so we went there, just a short distance from our hotel, and very close to Borough Market.  The recommendation was a good one - it's an enchanting place, very old, full of wooden walls and floors, and curious nooks and crannies.  Service is excellent, lovely atmosphere, and we had a relaxed, convivial dinner with really good food.  Eventually got thrown out at 11 feeling the evening had flown by (always a good sign) and strolled back to our hotel happily.  

Saturday started with breakfast again at Pret (Andrew loves their porridge). Then we caught the Tube down to the O2 at South Greenwich.  It was lovely to wander around and then we headed to our destination, something I've wanted to go on for ages, the cable car across the Thames that was built for the Olympics, now called the Emirates Airline.  Paying with Oyster was easy, and we were able to board quickly, and very pleasantly, we were given our own cable car, not forced to share with other parties which was a very nice touch.  Soon we were high above the Thames, enjoying breathtaking views of the city and looking down river to the beautiful Flood Barrier.   As it was a clear, sunny day, we couldn't have chosen a better time to travel.  I loved it.  Once we landed on the other side, we decided to come back on the return trip, again magnificent.  The breeze picked up though, and our little car wobbled a bit on the high bits but I concentrated on admiring Canary Wharf! 

After landing, (a very smooth and easy experience) we went for a coffee, then strolled to the Pier, and caught a Clipper up the Thames.  Again, this is a lovely way to travel - you see so much of London's beauty from the river.  We got off at County Hall by the London Eye and thence via our old friend the RV1 bus service back to the hotel.  Time to read the paper and relax for a bit then out for dinner.  As we usually do when in London, we ate at Vinopolis.  We had a great meal, with terrific wine (as you'd expect!) but service was a bit patchy, and not helped by a large hen party near us which, although very well behaved, made the restaurant very noisy.  

Again, time for a relaxing stroll by the river after dinner, then slowly back to our hotel.  An early start on Sunday morning to catch the train from London Bridge station, and soon we were on our way to St. Albans again.  Back to the car park, picked up the car, and before long we were heading back on the motorway.  A smooth journey home, and then it was time to collect the woofs.  A joyful reunion, and a quiet day afterwards, unpacking and catching up.  

 

Earlier this week, I caught up with the new album by Nine Inch Nails, called "Hesitation Marks".  I've liked them for a while and saw that they were playing in Cardiff so decided to find out more about their new stuff.  I bought a CD from Amazon, which is on its way, but one of the nifty things they now do is that you get a instant download as well for your Kindle etc, so I was able to start listening to it right away. 

The single from the album is "Came Back Haunted" - a real stormer.  I immediately identified with the lyrics on this - it seemed appropriate for having cancer, actually.  Here is a link  to the video. 

The rest of the CD is fabulous - and I especially like the fact that like all the best albums, you hear different things each time you listen.  I listened to an audio interview with Trent Reznor where he discussed the genesis of the album and he mentioned a point where he chose deliberately to follow an electronica path rather than a more "rocky" guitar based sound and I love the results. Not really surprising, as I adore Husky Rescue who also have an electronic based sound (but very different) and listening, I was strongly reminded also of one of my favourite albums by David Byrne/Brian Eno, as well as a few Kraftwerk/New Order touches.  As someone who grew up on 80s electronica, this is perfect.  

I came to NIN rather late - having cancer sort of knocked all kinds of cultural stuff out of kilter, and I found I just wasn't interested in a lot of things.  I 've gradually got back to liking stuff and being curious but find that I'm catching up with things that have been out there for years - NIN being a case in point.  As well as the new album, I also bumped into one of their other songs on Youtube, called Closer, and thought I'd share it  too.    Again, apologies if you've known about it for years! It's one of the best musical descriptions I've ever come across of that mindblowing feeling when you turn from being a grown up who votes, recycles and reads the Economist into a lust fuelled tiger whose sole ambition is to have wild animal sex until you have to walk like John Wayne for 48 hours.  

I'm hoping we can go and see them in Cardiff when they play here later in the year, I've suggested Andrew gets me tickets for my birthday.  I think he was a bit surprised when I mentioned it, but I suspect they'll be great live.  

We've also been planning some other stuff for later in the year.  We're booked for a weekend in London in February so are going to see The Duck House - a comedy with the excellent Ben Miller about the MP expenses scandal. 

We're also planning (or starting to) our visit to the Tour de France when it starts in the UK later in the year.  I can't wait! I think we will head for the stage in the SE rather than Yorkshire - easier to get to.  This year's race is going to be a peach (I know, I say this every year) - with both Wiggins and Froome racing, on the SAME team!! Awesome.  As well as that, I'm really excited about the whole Tour circus thing - will be fab to see the parade of sponsor vehicles and all that kind of thing, as well as a view of the peloton in full flight.  

I know that British people are famed for their ability to moan endlessly about the weather, but this unending rain is really getting me down.  Not so much because of it falling - I actually don't mind walking in the rain, find it quite romantic at times but because the ground is now beyond saturated.  Every walk means sliding on thick mud, all our clothes get filthy, the dogs get filthy, the car gets filthy and stinks of mud, and it all makes any form of cleaning feel self-defeating. To make a change, we've had some hail over the past two days but the rain is continuing tonight and we have more forecast tomorrow. 

Yesterday, I completed the annual RSPB Great Garden Birdwatch.  It was difficult to find a slot without rain, but eventually in the afternoon, it eased off for a bit, and the birds came out to visit the feeders.  We had our usual colony of house sparrows, blue tits, great tits, the wren and the blackbird.  Long tailed tits visit regularly but didn't make an appearance yesterday. 

Today's been a day of quiet routine.  We walked the dogs at Tredegar House this morning - waded may be a more accurate word.  Our walk was cut short though by an off lead Lab with no collar who was hurtling round the park knocking other dogs over like ninepins.  The owner was completely oblivious - I had words with her when she eventually returned. 

Two visits to the Post Office - lots of coats to send out, and the first batch of rosettes from the online dog show. 

More paperwork, accounts, and happily some time to have a cuddle with Callie.  We're also starting to get bookings for summer shows - it's nice to think about warm, sunny days and taking out the Tent of Destiny again.  

I picked up a load of new sample coats from Nina earlier in the week and yesterday, amazingly, it wasn't raining.  So after our normal walk at Tredegar House, we took the girls over to the reen behind the houses and did a few pictures to put on our website.  We have several new fleeces  and the second prototype of the raincoats we'll be launching soon.  Got some lovely pics of the girls - Sara is very photogenic.  

 

After we'd done our mini shoot, got home, fed the woofs, fed ourselves and read the paper for a bit.  Then Andrew started uploading pics to the website along with the various bits of text, shopping basket etc.  and I put lots on Facebook.  Caught up with the wedding Sherlock last night- I enjoyed it, but it did feel quite self-indulgent, and again, I'm struck by how poorly written the female characters are. 

This morning, Andrew took the boys out first thing and got some diesel, while I got ready, then headed off with the girls.  Our destination was the Bristol DAWG Dog Show at Avon Riding Centre, Henbury, just south of Bristol city centre.  The centre has a lovely view back towards the Severn Bridge.  I met up with our lovely friend Sue and her gorgeous hound Mick - we entered quite a few classes but not a sniff of a rosette.  This happens sometimes, so not too worried, especially as I know that shows are such good fundraisers for smaller rescues.  

 

There was a raffle as well, and to my astonishment, I won the most enormous hamper of dog goodies I have ever seen in my life.  It took a man with a big parcel trolley to load it all into the car - there's masses of stuff.  Tinned food, dry food, treats, snacks, even sardines.  We'll be keeping and using some, but quite a lot will be going to EGLR, I'm helping with their show in May, and this will be perfect for the Doggy Tombola. I started my journey for home just before 4 in the rainy dusk.  There's something really romantic about that time of day - I love the grey, low sky, the twinkling lights and the sense of returning home to warmth and welcome.  The girls were shattered after a long day of bum sniffing and excitement so slept most of the way. 

Andrew had been busy while I was away and there was a warm welcome from the two boys.  A big tray of vegetables for roasting was just going into the oven - they are cooking now and smell gorgeous.  I probably won't be having wine tonight though - for the last couple of months, I've drastically reduced my wine consumption as I've found it triggers hot flushes.  This is particularly unpleasant if I drink in the evening as the flushes seem to happen a couple of hours later, so I'm kept awake.  Fortunately, if I drink vodka or gin, there seems to be no ill effect, so I'm currently enjoying a big glass of vodka and orange juice. 

Over Christmas my cousin Jonathan kindly gave me a very polite nudge and reminded me that I'd lapsed in my blogging.  Now that things are getting back to normal, I thought I'd do a post and will hopefully soon get back into the groove.  

It's been another busy day today.  I walked the dogs this morning - taking the boys over to Tredegar House.  After we'd walked, (or paddled) I headed for the Post Office to send some Milgi parcels, then to Duffryn Community Centre.  Regular readers will know I often write about Busy Bees where I do patchwork - just before Christmas the shop was completely destroyed by a fire.  This was devestating news - as the shop is far more than that, it is the hub of a very friendly and involved group of quilters and needlewomen.  This week, Sandra and Sue, the shop's owners, have hired space at Duffryn Community Centre so that customers could pop in to check and confirm their bookings for the various courses they run.  I'd booked on a day course in March so called in today.  It was lovely to see Chris and Marianne, and it's likely we'll soon hear if/where/when the shop will be re-opening.  Wherever possible, they are also going to go ahead with the courses, which is excellent news.  For the short time I was there, there was a steady stream of customers, full of concern, but also of hope - a very cheering start to the New Year.  

This afternoon, I've been doing Milgi admin, ordering more fabric, sorting out photos for the online dog show, ordering some prizes for it (giant cheese cookies for the dogs) and passing on orders and stock lists to be made up to our machinists.  The company who supplies the dog biscuits is another small business - Jayne, the owner is always incredibly helpful and very positive.   We sent out giant cookies to our customers in the run up to Christmas as a way of saying Thank You, and often put little bags of the doggy treats in with orders the rest of the year.  

After feeding the dogs and having something to eat this evening, I had a phone call from a rescue friend - help needed for an emergency transport run, plus a lovely catch up on lots of other news.  Tidied the kitchen then came upstairs to a fresh round of emails.  Dogs are all settled now, so soon it will be time for bed.   

On Sunday, Andrew and I helped to move a dog.  One of the wonders of the internet is that it facilitates the many networks of volunteers who are involved in things like transport, homechecks  and so on - all the activities that keep rescues running.  One of the rescues I volunteer for is Evesham Greyhound and Lurcher Rescue.  A boarding kennel they use is north of Cardiff so they often need help in moving dogs onwards into foster care or for adoption. 

I saw a post on Facebook asking for help with this particular dog, and let the organiser know we could help. Accordingly on Sunday we went up to the kennels, had a nice chat with the lovely lady who runs it and picked up Meg.  Meg is a gorgeous dog probably aged about 5 -6.  She had been found as a stray, dumped, and taken to a pound where she had seven days before she faced the needle.  Fortunately she, along with some other lurchers was removed to the kennels and now had found safety.  

The reason for her abandonment became clear after we met her.  On the front of her chest was a large lump, biopsied and now found to be cancerous.  Moving her was urgent as this would allow her to be placed in a foster home, from where she could have emergency vet treatment to remove the lump and then convalesce in a home environment.  

Although she had previously been a working dog, like most pointies she was  a joy to handle.  Relaxed and friendly, she greeted us beautifully and we were both smitten by her gorgeous fawn colouring (so like our darling Boola) and the most stunning dark eyes.    She travelled beautifully and it was a calm, sunny day as we headed off to Monmouth.  This is where we would meet the next volunteer who would transport her the last lap of her journey to her new foster home.  I took a picture of her in the car with my phone (see above).  

The journey went well and we soon arrived at the service station for the handover.  Meg was glad to stretch her legs and easily settled into the next vehicle.  Then we waved goodbye to her and drove home, still with her blonde hairs stuck to my trousers.  

She had her operation on Tuesday, along with her spay and a dental, and the latest I've seen is that she is continuing to recover and had her first short walk today.  When she is feeling better, someone will be able to adopt the most gorgeous dog with the sweetest temperament.  If any of my readers are on Facebook, you can follow her progress on EGLR's Facebook page, where there are regular updates on her and several other foster hounds. 

I mention this incident as really it's not terribly newsworthy ( dog goes for car ride in a nutshell) but is one that I've been thinking about a great deal this week.  In particular, it's very difficult for me to understand the person who simply dumped her rather than pay for vet treatment ( or indeed seek help and free vet treatment).  Doing rescue work is always hard because you see innocent animals bearing the consequences of human choices.  So much of what I see is rarely deliberate cruelty (though of course that does exist) but a sort of toxic combination of laziness, ignorance and unwillingness to spend money.  

Especially as it's Lent, I've been reflecting a lot on this - how much of the evil in the world is created and sustained by these chains of inactivity and a horrible narrowness of vision - either being unwilling or unable to envisage or accept the consequences for others of an individual's choices.  This applies whether it's dumping piles of rubbish in a back lane or abandoning a sick dog.   

It also occurred to me that much of my adult life has in various ways been about clearing up the mess others leave behind, and this in turn brings with it its own choices and dilemmas. 

Saturday was a terrific day.  After Christmas, I wanted to do something that would help people with the January blahs.  It's often a time of year when people are broke, the festivities are over, the weather is terrible and generally things are a bit miserable.  So, I took and adapted an idea I have seen on Facebook, the online dog show, and adapted it for our customers.  In particular, we wanted to set up a Gallery page on the website to showcase our customers wearing our coats and I felt this would be a great way of getting enough pics to get the gallery off to a flying start.  We invited our customers to send in their pics of hounds wearing their coats and bandanas, and organised these into three broad classes.  

As an incentive, we offered lovely rosettes, and for the overall winner a £25 donation to a sighthound charity of their choice.  As the closing date approached, I had to decide who to invite to co-judge.  I asked Sian: Sian also volunteers for Greyhound Welfare, which is how I know her, and she is also a qualified show judge in her own right, so perfect.  She came over for lunch first and Andrew cooked a lovely beef casserole with dumplings, just the thing for a cold winter's day.  To get us off to a flying start, we then had cupcakes (pictured) which I made, for fuel.  

The rosettes were originally due to be delivered earlier in the week, but the terrible snow we've been having changed that plan.  Andrew nipped out to meet Anna, (who made them) at a local service station while Sian and I were gathering our papers and settling in to start judging.  Andrew set up his laptop on the coffee table and then we were ready! Sian and I marked individually in each class, then added up our marks to get the highest scores.  In the case of a tie, Andrew was collared for a deciding vote.  It was lovely looking at all the gorgeous pictures and we really enjoyed ourselves.  Eventually, we got to the Best in Show and Reserve Best in Show (these were stonkingly gorgeous rosettes) and then we were done.  Then it was time to post the results on Facebook, and on Sunday I went through carefully allocating and packing the rosettes to post them out on Monday.  Today I've had several posts from people showing pics of their dogs wearing their rosettes which was lovely.  The whole thing has been so successful we are definitely going to do it again next year. You can see the Gallery page on the website here.  

Online dog shows have really taken off on Facebook.  They are easy to set up and manage, and Paypal makes collecting the entry fees very simple and straightforward.  For many dog charities they are an excellent fund raiser.  I entered one just before Christmas, run by Evesham Greyhound and Lurcher Rescue, and ended up with a couple of gorgeous rosettes, including one for our darling Boola - it was very poignant adding this rosette to his rosette hanger in the study, knowing it would be the last ever.  Callie and Mick now have their own shared hanger in the bunk bedroom - though we can split it down further in the future if we need to, and Sara's rosettes are on the bookcase downstairs.  At the moment, she doesn't have that many, but we'll move to a proper hanger if she gets a few more.  I smile when I look at Boola's - there are so many happy memories in those shiny ribbons. 

It's been a while since I posted - mainly due to being very busy with the new business.  I'm seriously considering stopping the blog as I tweet and FB as well, and find those useful for keeping in touch with people.  The only things that are making me dither are that the blog allows a longer, more discursive format, and a variety of photos.  I can be a bit more "specialised" - FB posts and tweets tend to be a bit more general.  Also, the blog has been going a long time - part of me feels it would be a shame to let it go.  It's gone through various evolutions and changes but then my life has changed enormously since it started, and it forms a useful reflection of that.  

I'd welcome comments and thoughts - both on my own blog specifically but also on the wider value of blogs generally.  I find blogs can be enormously useful, interesting and in some cases have led me to make friends with people on different continents, a wonderful bonus and a fascinating glimpse into other cultures.  

We're having a wonderful Christmas so far.  On Christmas Eve we popped down to Swansea to see Hilary and exchanged gifts.  Hil had also made some of her rightly famous mince pies (home made mincemeat too).  Came back home and had our annual ritual of watching Muppet Christmas Carol while eating a seafood feast.  We started with scallops and samphire, then some garlic prawns.  This was followed by blini which Andrew had made with buckwheat flour and topped with fresh crab and fish roe, with sour cream and herbs.  Delicious, and washed down with a gorgeous bottle of prosecco, thanks to a festive delivery from Dr. Laithwaites.  While we were eating, the turkey was cooking (another Christmas Eve custom) and the house was filled with delicious smells.  We loved watching the film and sung along loudly and tunelessly in all the right places.  Eventually, it was time for bed - four happy sleepy hounds and two happy excited humans.  

In the morning, Father Christmas had visited and left filled stockings for Andrew and me.  We had coffee in bed, then opened them, watched eagerly by the hounds.  Sara loved playing with the discarded wrapping paper.  Although the weather was wet (for a change!) we went out for a walk.  We headed up the A470 to Garwnant and headed up into the forestry above the Llwynonn reservoir.  It was beautiful, though muddy and we saw a rainbow and lots of birds.  Came home, fed the dogs and had some scrambled eggs.  Peaceful afternoon - did some kitchen prep then opened presents while the tree sparkled warmly.  Eventually had dinner around 6 - roast turkey with cranberry sauce, home made stuffing, roast potatoes, parsnips, sprouts and carrots.  Pulled crackers, toasted and enjoyed, with a bottle of Italian white.  Afterwards we watched Doctor Who (a huge improvement on last year, and much better), then a bit later Downton.  Unfortunately both Andrew and I burst into peals of laughter at the end - not perhaps the reaction wanted but it was a bit ludicrous.  

Today has been another peaceful day - a muddy paddle with the dogs followed by a turkey sandwich and a day of gently pottering.  

I'd like to take this opportunity to wish all my blog readers a very happy Christmas and a new year filled with peace, health and happiness.  

 

I thought that tonight I would write about Lance Armstrong.  Before I had cancer, I knew virtually nothing about either Lance Armstrong or professional bike racing.  Then, while I was ill, my then GP, a really excellent doctor, suggested I might like to read one of his books.  She also suggested several others, including the wonderful John Diamond.  With some trepidation I bought "It's not about the bike" and devoured it.  To my surprise I found it utterly gripping and the following summer for the first time I watched the Tour.  I was completely hooked and since then have been a devoted lover of the Tour, and pro bike racing in general.  Most sports leave me utterly cold, but bike racing, especially the Grand Tours has so many layers of complexity, that it is addictive to watch, study and analyse.  

In the following years, I went on to read "Every Second Counts" and I also bought the excellent Daniel Coyle book "Tour de Force" which gives an informed and at times very funny insight into the world of bike racing.  

I've been very inspired in particular by Lance Armstrong's cancer campaigning, and have been a proud wearer of the Livestrong armband for a number of years.  God knows, especially considering my previous post, cancer is a horrible disease and there are many charities campaigning and fundraising for different aspects of prevention, drug research, patient care and support.  

What I especially liked about the Livestrong campaign is that it is aimed especially at supporting cancer survivors - it has really done so much to raise the profile of survivors.  Lance in particular has also rewritten the cancer rulebook.  Typically, and this is still the case, when a person gets cancer, there is a sort of narrative that people use.  For a start, they use words like battle, fight, war, as though the cancer were an actual enemy.  Cancer patients also get told they are "brave" - no, we are not brave, we have no choice in the matter.  And once you are in that box marked "brave cancer patient" there is a dreadful unwitting patronage going on.  

Lance took this, shook it out, kicked it and spat in its face.  He basically said "Yes, I've had cancer, but don't you dare feel sorry for me, and by the way, I'm the best bike rider on the fucking planet."  Pink ribbons, this is not. 

Over the years, the drugs allegations have swirled around - nothing new there.  Earlier this year, when I read the initial USADA case, I just thought "More of the same".  I discussed it with Andrew, and said to him at a very early stage that I didn't regard Floyd Landis and Tyler Hamilton as being entirely credible but the key figure for me was George Hincapie.  Ironically, George retired at the end of this season, after a phenomenally successful biking career, much of it in Armstrong's Tour-winning team as one of his trusted super-domestiques.  George for me was pivotal, since he has never had a public falling out with Armstrong, had been close to him for many, many years  and was now retiring so had nothing to lose or gain by telling the truth.  

Anyway, first came the news that Armstrong was not fighting the USADA any more, and then they released the evidence dossier, and one night, I sat up late into the night, glued to the computer, reading it.  Having now read it, only an idiot would believe Lance didn't dope.  Crucially, Hincapie has testified saying not only that he himself took drugs, but that he saw Lance taking them many times.  

Since then, I've read Tyler Hamilton's book, Secret Race, co-written with Daniel Coyle again, and that is even more damning.  The book is remarkably detailed and gives a very credible account of the doping culture inside the peloton.  In particular, Hamilton details that far from being a short cut, doping is actually expensive, time consuming and a constant worry for those doing it, and also still has to be only part of what is a hellishly rigorous training, exercise and diet schedule.  What both the book and the USADA report illustrate in jaw dropping style in particular was just how easy the pro riders found the evasion and cheating of the testing regime, with all sorts of neat workarounds.  

Now the news has come in that Armstrong has been officially stripped of his titles.  Firstly, I'm not really sure this will work - practically every other top rider in the peloton at the time was doping (many have been caught at some point) and I don't think it's helpful to engage in too much historical revision.  The past really is another country.  

I do think he should be banned from competing in the future, and from having anything to do with the training or development of young riders.  The testing authorities really need to get their shit together in regard to the testing programme.  

On a personal level, as just one of many cancer survivors around the world, who had been inspired by his story, I still am, to an extent but simply feel sad and let down that Armstrong lied for so long. He could have done so much to change the climate in the peloton around the issue of drugs and doping.  In the future, his lying and cheating will also deprive him of a future role in shaping and fighting for cancer survivors, and possibly into politics.  He is a talented, gifted, hard working, smart man, and it's genuinely disappointing that potential has now been spoiled.  

It's eight years this week since my life was changed by my cancer diagnosis.  I am grateful for every single day I've had since then, for the very precious gift of life.  I will always be grateful to Lance for helping me through some very dark times afterwards, but so sorry that his flaws have prevented him from enjoying the full fruits of his labours. 

I'm sorry to write that my uncle Peter, one of Dad's brothers passed away yesterday afternoon. Peter was the second eldest of the seven siblings, and was closest in both appearance and character to my father.  Like Dad, he had a laid back style.  He and his wife Francoise lived in Newark where they raised their three children, my cousins Sian, Rhiannon and Guillame.  

He was diagnosed with bladder cancer a couple of years ago, and initially we thought he was recovering but sadly it came back.  Pete dealt with it in a typically low key style, and with his customary humour. 

Pete's passing is almost a year to the day after Dad's birthday and the anniversary of his funeral.  It still seems very sudden. 

Rest in peace, uncle Peter.