Today is the most important day of my year. This morning, we trundled over to the hospital at Llandough for my oncology check-up. Saw a lovely new registrar this morning who was so friendly and reassuring (and she had beautiful, warm hands), had my exam and a chat and given the all clear. As it's now five years since my diagnosis - I'm free to go - no more check-ups. Naturally, the clinic maintains an "open door" policy in that if I ever am concerned about any symptoms I can go straight back, but my regular check-ups are now behind me. I was so delighted and relieved when it was over that I promptly burst into tears - much to my embarrassment, but the doctor was lovely, gave me a big hug, Andrew wielded his hanky and then we were able to walk out, saying goodbye to the lovely nurses and receptionists at the clinic who are also always unfailingly cheerful and friendly when you go over there.

The five years has been a long road - and it has changed me in a number of ways, both physically, mentally and emotionally. Some of these effects will of course be life long like the battle with lymphoedema, the fatigue and the scarring but I am pleased that in many ways my life is just as it was before, except with the bittersweet edge that never now leaves me, that I am very conscious (especially at the moment) of the rather arbitrary nature of survival and just how precious the extra, borrowed time has been. These past five years have been a wonderful bonus and very much appreciated. One of the changes has been an unwillingness to put up with crap (be it from people individually or organisationally) and to move on/away swiftly if someone is being an idiot, whereas previously I would have been more likely to give second, third or more chances.

The other thing that I'd like to mention is that when I was ill, I was so unspeakably grateful to those friends and colleagues who were supportive - even a small card or note or a quick visit meant the world and in my mind, they will be appreciated fondly for the rest of my days. Equally, there are a number of people who I would have expected to have been there who weren't. Of course, there may well be reasons I don't know, but the disappointment has been noted. I have moved on from a number of people who if you'd asked me before, I'd have gladly acknowledged as good friends/colleagues/family members.

After the hospital, we went over to a good butcher at Penarth, where we stocked up on some game for the freezer (pheasant casserole to celebrate the New Year), then home. After walking the dogs, we are now sorting out the Christmas tree, lights and decorations - Fun!! My hospital news is the best gift I can wish for - now I really do feel we can celebrate. May even have a glass of champagne tonight.